it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Success! We fucked roommates!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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