Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
