So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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