Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
