sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
