Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
