Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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