first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
