Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
