he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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