today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
