i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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