when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
