I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize