Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
