apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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