i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
