I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
