I want to have your abortion
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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