i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
