When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
