i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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