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ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
