It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
