4 words: hood of his car
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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