her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
