I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
