I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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