Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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