Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
