He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
