cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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