I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
COCAINE IS GR8
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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