After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
