The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
