Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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