Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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