I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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