I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
