Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
