he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
