I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We need a shit load of segways right now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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