he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
