I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
