I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
