nut hugger
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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