can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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