Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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