I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
