i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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