return my video game
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
