If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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