If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
