My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
