I am in a vortex of obligation.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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