Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
