part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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