I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
