i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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