There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
