I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
