Please, let me fuck your mom
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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