I wish my penis had an off switch
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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