Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
