Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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