I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
