Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
